BREAKING: SOLAR SPILL EFFECTS THOUSANDS

NOTE: The following is satire and filed under Headlines We Will Probably Never See

sunlightThe sun rose around 6:30am, sending beams through the windows of  Jackie Carlson’s kitchen,  and just minutes later, the entire kitchen was flooded with light. 

“My God, I had to shut my lights off it was so bright I didn’t need them,” said Carlson

“All the fossil fuel companies are checking on people who may have been impacted by the nice day,” said Brody Keppler, Gottalight public safety director. “We’re still in response mode,” he said, adding that benefit assessments will start today. “Because a number of homes are using solar panels, we don’t know what the personal savings and environmental benefits will be.” 

Moore N. Moore Oil & Gas Corporation (MNMOG) issued a press release expressing concern for the company’s financial wellbeing during the on-going Solar Spill.   “All this sun is just encouraging people to install solar panels.  If this continues, we will be facing serious financial difficulties.”    MNMOG also warned if fossil fuel corporations are forced to compete with the sun that it may result in loss of jobs. 

Parson Green, CEO of All Sun Panels, Inc announced it would be hiring up to 100 new workers by the end of the month, and is on track to double manufacturing capacity by mid-2014.  

A survey of solar panel businesses in the county report an upswing in the number of calls they have received for installing systems since the start of the solar spill. 

(c) 2013 by Dory Hippauf

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dhippauf

Dory Hippauf became involved with the "fracking" issue when a landman came knocking on her door, instead of signing a lease she joined the Gas Drilling Awareness Coalition and was soon the chair of the research committee. Although the research involved all aspects of Natural Gas activities, she has focused her personal time on "Connecting the Dots" of Corporations and Politicians. Dory was one of 3 winners of the 1st Annual FracTracker and Halt the Harm Environmental Stewardship award in Septmber 2015.

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